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, by Shaunti Feldhahn
Free PDF , by Shaunti Feldhahn
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Product details
File Size: 3138 KB
Print Length: 225 pages
Publisher: Multnomah; Revised, Updated ed. edition (August 19, 2008)
Publication Date: August 19, 2008
Sold by: Random House LLC
Language: English
ASIN: B001E2NXBQ
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Amazon Best Sellers Rank:
#40,309 Paid in Kindle Store (See Top 100 Paid in Kindle Store)
For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn provides insight into the male mind and helps women to understand the male thought process.Having studied evolutionary biology, genetics, sociology and public health, I scientifically understand that there are physical differences in the brains of men and women. In addition, parents, siblings, and everybody else treat males one way and females another (no matter how "equally" we try to treat people), so socialization plays a role in the male mind too.Women often wonder, "what was he thinking", or "is he thinking" or "with what head was he thinking" of men.The author actually conducted a survey of men to achieve her results that she showcases in this book.This book wasn't for me. I don't need a book to tell me about my man. I'd prefer to go to him and have him tell me! It's got to be a pretty sad state of communication in a relationship if a woman is going to a book for a generic answer about her man's behavior rather than talking to the man himself.I've been with my husband for 13 years now; 4 1/2 years of dating and 8 1/2 of marriage. We went through college, graduate school, newlywed and new parenthood days together so far. We've grown up together. If the day comes that I am afraid to or refuse to communicate with him and instead seek information about his mind from a book, that is a sad day indeed.DISCLAIMER: I received this book free from the publisher through the Multnomah book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission's 16 CFR, Part 255.
I am in my 30s, been married for 4 years, and am a full-time working mom. My marriage has been in distress, and my husband refused to go to counseling. I purchased this book in hopes of finding some guidance.The book is a very quick read. I was surprised at how small the book actually is; however the book is loaded with information. I liked that it was written from the women's perspective and that the author provided stories about her struggles with her husband. The information was very relatable, and I definitely had a couple of "ah-ha!" moments. There were passages that seemed to describe my husband perfectly. I am not very religious; however I was not turned off by the biblical references.My question is, now what??! I am not sure how to implement changes to improve my marriage. The book explains that a husband absolutely needs to be respected and affirmed. There was a little guidance, but I need help with how to really implement changes. The lack of practical tips left me disappointed, but overall I thought the message of the book was very helpful. The survey results are undeniable and help me understand the importance of respect in a marriage.My husband and I are stuck in a cycle of lack of respect on my part and lack of love on his part. I am very hurt and angry, but I want to better my marriage. I am going to try the following actions for the next 30 days to see if there is an improvement. I have not talked to my husband about this book yet, I am going to wait to see if I get results.My 30-day action plan:1) Always accept his opinion and judgement on a matter and only offer my opinion if asked2) Initiate casual physical connections at least once a day (ie: rubbing shoulders, sitting next to on couch, etc.)3) Initiate sex at least once a weekI will give an update regarding the results. I am unsure about item #1 above. I consider myself a modern feminist; however I know that my husband thinks that I am critical and demanding. I am hopeful that by acting more respectful that he will in turn actively seek out my opinion so we have an equal relationship. I certainly don't have anything to lose at this point. I already thank him on a regular basis for important little things that he does to help with our child and around the house. I also tell him that I love him and always ask him about his day. (Wish he would do the same for me!) Any other tips would be appreciated!UPDATE 05/08/2013:We are definitely in a much better place in our relationship now compared to 30 days ago. I did not follow my plan exactly as I had intended, but I did make a lot of changes. I also learned a lot about how I treat my husband and how I need to continue to change.Comments about my specific action plan steps:1) I often forgot that my plan was to always accept his opinion. I need to work on this area. I have found that if I carefully listen to what he has to say, acknowledge what he has said, and then offer my two-cents - he is much more open to my opinion. Or if I wait awhile and then later offer my opinion, that works too. My DH just really wants to feel that he is heard and that his opinion is respected.2) I often forgot to initiate casual physical connections until the very end of the day. I admit that it felt like a chore on my "to-do" list which is really horrible. It made me realize how much our relationship has changed from our early courtship to now being parents of a toddler. I am working on being more casually physical, and my DH seems to really appreciate it. He has been reciprocating quite a bit.3) I only did this once the whole month. Epic fail on my part. I am committing to implementing this step during the next 30 days.Although I was not successful at carrying out each action step - it did open my eyes in a big way. I realize that I can make a lot of positive changes in our relationship. I also realized that I critique my husband A LOT about things around the house that need to be done or should have been done differently. He NEVER critiques me. Literally, never. I would hate to be treated the way I treat him. So I am definitely working on making changes in that area too. If I continue to be aware of my actions, I am confident that things will continue to improve. I plan on talking to my DH at some point about the book, but I am waiting until we are on more solid ground.
My husband was going to leave me after 20 years of marriage. Listening to this book on tape, and him listening to "For men only", turned our marriage completely around. I thought I knew a lot about men, having read a ton of relationship books. But this gave me a deep insight to my husband's needs and how he is hardwired to respond. Now, when I want to discuss an issue and he is quiet, I know that means he is processing the issue step by step and not ignoring me. Wish I had learned this 30 years ago. Could have saved us both a lot of heartache.
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